Life, Love & Ego
We are already half-way through 2016 and I am truly trailing in my blogging duties! So much has happened in the past 7 months, and yet so much has not.
I continue to try to practice living spiritually every day. I try to remember key items to help keep my vibrations high and conscious clear. Not only do I work hard at it but I also try to teach the same practices to my daughter.
A recent series of events has led me to write this post. A few days ago, I received a phone call from a very irate parent who proceeded to threaten me. A falling out between her daughter, let us call her Millie, and mine had apparently reached an apex. A series of conversation that didn’t even take place between my daughter and Millie, but two of their friends, somehow boiled down to being my daughters fault. She accused my daughter of lying to me and betraying her daughter’s friendship as well as spreading rumors about Millie. Any mother bear would have her shackles up!
To be honest, looking back, I do not even understand how this situation got out of hand. What I do know is that if I were to ask myself a few key questions, I would not be able to answer in a way that I would like. Could I have handled the situation better? ABSOLUTELY! Is my conscious clear though? YES!
I think no matter which way we approached the situation, it would have still ended the same way. What matters is what I have learned from this. In every situation, there is a life lesson. There is always something valuable to learn. I let my ego interrupt my vibration and lowered myself by not coming from a place of love. Yes, even in the worse cases, there is a way to find love, understanding and compassion. There is a way to act on that and when you do, no one gets offended. No one gets hurt and everyone comes out feeling better about herself or the situation. When you come from a place of love, it is a discussion, not an argument and there is a resolution.
Am I still angry about this situation? Yes! You see, Millie has historically retaliated in a passive aggressive manner by using social media to hurt my daughter indirectly. Although, no names are mentioned, anyone and everyone one of their friends knows who she is talking about. By publicly insinuating that my daughter is ugly and a horrible friend, she takes jabs at her and when confronted plays the victim of bullying. My daughter had walked away a long time ago, and has attempted to release the pain and anger but the situation will not go away because others refuse to let it rest. It is painful for her and by Millie’s own admission; she has already let it be known to my daughter that she will not let it go so that my daughter can have peace. So, as a mother, what can I do?
Millie, in her own way of dealing with her hurt and anger, reaches out the only way she knows how, and publicly shames my daughter in an attempt to make herself feel better and vindicated. I do hope it makes her feel better and that at some point she finds peace within herself to finally let it go. I also believe that her mother, who is aware of her behavior, should address the situation instead of defending it under the pretext that no names are mentioned.
It is these emotions of hurt and anger, the ego that is currently preventing me from moving forward. I know this, and understand that I have to find a way to deal with it. In doing so, I lead by example and show my daughter that we can rise above anything and come out a better person for it. I cannot change how someone mother’s, I cannot change how people deal with their anger, but I can change how I mother and deal with my anger.
I cannot change the fact that they will continue to believe that my daughter is a liar and ugly by their standards, but I can change how my daughter perceives and reacts to the accusation. I can change how she processes her perception of herself.
We have already started to find our peace. I, by having wished Millie’s mom the best of luck for the future and by meaning it, sent them love. I do honestly hope that they find peace and that Millie comes to terms with her role in this matter. I hope that her mother realizes that my daughter has not been the one propelling the hate and keeping it alive. My daughter made her peace a long time ago when she apologized for her role in the situation. She cannot control whether the apology is or is not accepted or received.
So, in the end, I am left to pick up the broken pieces of my daughter’s hurt and anger. It is up to me to help build her up after being thrown down, to help her get her footing back after such a blow. This is the life of a teenager. It was my journey once and is now hers. I do know is that she is not lying to me. I do know she has a beautiful compassionate and loving heart that awards love to the people who are kind enough to see it.
I know that with every situation, every hand I am dealt, whether it be at work, or home, I am reaching a place of love faster and faster. One day, I will be in that place all the time and be able to release anger before it is a whisper on my lips.
My daughter learned a very valuable lesson about friendship and trust. She has already started to let go and make sure others do too. She is once again attempting to move forward.
Together, we are attempting to rise above it all and be better people. After all, that is what living spiritually is all about is it not?
So, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, so shall we.
I continue to try to practice living spiritually every day. I try to remember key items to help keep my vibrations high and conscious clear. Not only do I work hard at it but I also try to teach the same practices to my daughter.
A recent series of events has led me to write this post. A few days ago, I received a phone call from a very irate parent who proceeded to threaten me. A falling out between her daughter, let us call her Millie, and mine had apparently reached an apex. A series of conversation that didn’t even take place between my daughter and Millie, but two of their friends, somehow boiled down to being my daughters fault. She accused my daughter of lying to me and betraying her daughter’s friendship as well as spreading rumors about Millie. Any mother bear would have her shackles up!
To be honest, looking back, I do not even understand how this situation got out of hand. What I do know is that if I were to ask myself a few key questions, I would not be able to answer in a way that I would like. Could I have handled the situation better? ABSOLUTELY! Is my conscious clear though? YES!
I think no matter which way we approached the situation, it would have still ended the same way. What matters is what I have learned from this. In every situation, there is a life lesson. There is always something valuable to learn. I let my ego interrupt my vibration and lowered myself by not coming from a place of love. Yes, even in the worse cases, there is a way to find love, understanding and compassion. There is a way to act on that and when you do, no one gets offended. No one gets hurt and everyone comes out feeling better about herself or the situation. When you come from a place of love, it is a discussion, not an argument and there is a resolution.
Am I still angry about this situation? Yes! You see, Millie has historically retaliated in a passive aggressive manner by using social media to hurt my daughter indirectly. Although, no names are mentioned, anyone and everyone one of their friends knows who she is talking about. By publicly insinuating that my daughter is ugly and a horrible friend, she takes jabs at her and when confronted plays the victim of bullying. My daughter had walked away a long time ago, and has attempted to release the pain and anger but the situation will not go away because others refuse to let it rest. It is painful for her and by Millie’s own admission; she has already let it be known to my daughter that she will not let it go so that my daughter can have peace. So, as a mother, what can I do?
Millie, in her own way of dealing with her hurt and anger, reaches out the only way she knows how, and publicly shames my daughter in an attempt to make herself feel better and vindicated. I do hope it makes her feel better and that at some point she finds peace within herself to finally let it go. I also believe that her mother, who is aware of her behavior, should address the situation instead of defending it under the pretext that no names are mentioned.
It is these emotions of hurt and anger, the ego that is currently preventing me from moving forward. I know this, and understand that I have to find a way to deal with it. In doing so, I lead by example and show my daughter that we can rise above anything and come out a better person for it. I cannot change how someone mother’s, I cannot change how people deal with their anger, but I can change how I mother and deal with my anger.
I cannot change the fact that they will continue to believe that my daughter is a liar and ugly by their standards, but I can change how my daughter perceives and reacts to the accusation. I can change how she processes her perception of herself.
We have already started to find our peace. I, by having wished Millie’s mom the best of luck for the future and by meaning it, sent them love. I do honestly hope that they find peace and that Millie comes to terms with her role in this matter. I hope that her mother realizes that my daughter has not been the one propelling the hate and keeping it alive. My daughter made her peace a long time ago when she apologized for her role in the situation. She cannot control whether the apology is or is not accepted or received.
So, in the end, I am left to pick up the broken pieces of my daughter’s hurt and anger. It is up to me to help build her up after being thrown down, to help her get her footing back after such a blow. This is the life of a teenager. It was my journey once and is now hers. I do know is that she is not lying to me. I do know she has a beautiful compassionate and loving heart that awards love to the people who are kind enough to see it.
I know that with every situation, every hand I am dealt, whether it be at work, or home, I am reaching a place of love faster and faster. One day, I will be in that place all the time and be able to release anger before it is a whisper on my lips.
My daughter learned a very valuable lesson about friendship and trust. She has already started to let go and make sure others do too. She is once again attempting to move forward.
Together, we are attempting to rise above it all and be better people. After all, that is what living spiritually is all about is it not?
So, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, so shall we.
July 2016